The 1880

Dems: Divided as Me (Frustrated)

No, Ralph. You may not speak.

Sure, someone won and someone lost when it came to the democratic primaries yesterday. That is what happens in compeitions. You have a winner and a loser.

Hillary won. The democrats lost.

Before you start jumping down my throat for being biased and a horrible journalist (have you read my other articles? “journalist” is a little generous), I don’t not like Hillary Clinton. I don’t not like Obama. I’d like to think I am very mysterious and vague about my allegiances. But seriously, I wish Hillary would have just gone away.

Right now I am so jealous of the republicans. Look at them. They are so happy and unified and all nominee-filled. They are like the geeky kid who you’re secretly jealous of because he finished his huge end of the semester project way before its due and can just chill and watch “Firefly” reruns and drink ginger ale the rest of the year. I hate that kid.

This is why I was praying for a clear Obama victory yesterday. He seemed to have gained so much momentum recently. I was so hopeful that the democrats would go ahead and “get their project done early” so they would be closer to a nomination. Now its an even tighter race and the only person who is benefiting is McCain. With their party so divided by their candidates the dems remain weak. What will happen when Obama-llama or now (maybe) the Hill-anator wins the nomination? Half of the party will be disappointed and (horror of horrors!) might seek solace elsewhere. Desperate and alone they will run to the arms of their sometimes lover. The lover that they know they have no future with but is the warm body they so desperately need after being dumped by their candidate. Nader.
(While I’m on the warpath: Damn you Nader! Stop stealing legitimate votes!)

So at this point I don’t care who drops out (Hillary is still trailing in votes so maybe she should think about it). I just want some closure. I want the calm after the long, drawn-out, too-close-to-call storm.

My Sister’s Guide to Living in Africa

This girl has never been to Africa.

I adore my sister. Some might say I even love her. Those people would be correct. She is a beautiful southern belle ballerina who often resembles a Disney romantic movie musical ingénue. I swear I have actually seen birds gently float onto her arms and join in her jovial singing. I was on the phone with her recently and I brought up the fact that I might join the Peace Corps after college. She, being the older and wiser one, decided to dispense some advice on how to deal with being in the Peace Corps in Africa.

1. Own a Brita water filter.
At first she told me to always have Fiji bottled water, but when I told her that one’s assignment lasted well over a year she suggested a Brita water filter. I thought this was remotely practical. Even if I was in the middle of a third world village, plagued with dysentery, at least I would have fresh clean water. Though, I don’t know if I want to be known as “that prissy white girl with a Brita.”

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The Wing-girl Seven Commandments

A lot of praise has been given these days, with the help of some congratulatory beer commercials, to the wing-man. He is a guy’s guy. A bro’s bro. He’s always there to buy a round, to build up a dude’s self-confidence, and to keep a fugly girl busy while his best bud macks on her damn-fine friend.

In the midst of all this manly high-fives and rough pats on the back, a very vital part of the dating scene has been overlooked. I am of course talking about the indispensable wing-girl. To bring this ignored art form to light, I will share with you the seven commandments of every good wing girl.

1. Thou shalt let thy girlfriend look hotter.
This might be one of the hardest commandments to follow. No girl wants to be the drab one but if you friend is truly feeling down about themselves, one night out on the town wearing “capris” and a scrunchy isn’t going to kill you. If anything, let her at least appear hotter to the guy she is scoping out, otherwise you missed the point of your job completely: setting your friend up with a grade-A hunk.

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Today in History

On Feb. 21, 1965, black Muslim leader and civil rights activist Malcolm X, 39, was shot to death inside the Audubon Ballroom in New York by assassins identified as members of the Nation of Islam.
- Black History Month or not, this is damn important to remember.

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Today in History

1895 - Frederick Douglass, abolitionist, author, and orator, died.
- One of the greatest writers and speakers and all around amazing human beings during the abolitionist movement.

2003 - A fire in the nightclub The Station in Warwick, R.I., killed 100 and injured over 150. Pyrotechnics used by the heavy metal band Great White ignited the inferno.
- I just think this should be remembered. We were all old enough to remember watching rescuer’s attempts during this tragedy. Keep those who died in your thoughts today.

1924 - Gloria Vanderbilt (fashion designer; subject of famous Vanderbilt child-custody case)

Wisdom from the Birthday Girl
“That is the best - to laugh with someone because you both think the same things are funny.”

1925 - Robert Altman (director: M*A*S*H, Nashville, Brewster McCloud; died Nov 20, 2006)

Wisdom from the Birthday Boy:
“Filmmaking is a chance to live many lifetimes.”

Juicycampus.com is a Slut

Janet and Kate just told John that he was gay. He didn’t know yet.

I ran across a couple articles from pretty predominant news sources today about a website being used by seven colleges called juicycampus.com. Apparently, people get angry when their sexual escapades are anonymously posted on a website. The schools want to close the website down and some students are crying “first amendment” and blah blah blah.

Well since there was such a ruckus happening about this site I decided to visit it. I sat for almost three minutes while the relatively simple and unorganized site came up. It was a long time to wait for very little pay-off. It is mostly short rants about whose sorority/frat/cult is going to whoop someone else’s similarly boastful organization. That and accusations of people being gay. Now these are the two reasons this website will never work at Emerson. The sorori-frats aren’t rivals (and who would really care if they were) and outing someone is like accusing someone of being hipster at this school. It’s usually answered with a “yeah, duh!”

But if you want to kill a few minutes and don’t mind waiting for an oddly long time for it to load, check out the website, if only to wonder at how stupid and shallow other college students can be. As for all the gay bashing, methinks the site doth protest too much…

MSNBC article: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23211511

Site itself: www.juicycampus.com

This Day in History

On Feb. 19, 1945, during World War II, some 30,000 U.S. Marines began landing on Iwo Jima, where they commenced a month-long battle to seize control of the island from Japanese forces.
- This is important because it precipitated the making of two Clint Eastwood films.

In 1986, the U.S. Senate approved an international treaty outlawing genocide, 37 years after the pact had first been submitted for ratification.
- I guess that answers the question: “How many years does it take for the U.S. congress to decide killing = bad?”

In Salt Lake City, a win by bobsledders Jill Bakken and Vonetta Flowers gave the United States 21 medals in the Winter Games; Flowers became the first black athlete ever to strike gold at the Winter Olympics.
- This is just neat. They have cool names and even cooler legacies.

Birthdays!:

*Pop singer-actress Haylie Duff is 22. Happy Birthday, second-rate sista!

Words of wisdom from the birthday girl:
“Our parents used to call us Juicy and Yummy. Hilary was Juicy, I was Yummy. As we got older, Hilary became Clean Cat and I became Dirty Dog because Hilary is neat and I am messy.”

*Singer Seal is 44. I hope you “fly like an eagle” (and maybe get a “kiss from a rose”, a.k.a. Heidi) this birthday!

Words of Wisdom from the birthday boy:
You don’t get a second chance to be a dad. There’s no rehearsal. And it’s your most important gig.

I Say Potato. You Say Princess Mononoke

Watch out for robots!

We all saw them wandering around Boston this week, aimlessly looking for the odd game store or Japanese food vendor. Their ears and swords and tails could be seen from many yards away as they moved in packs making weird hand gestures and speaking in pseudo-languages. Yes people, the Anime Boston Convention was taking place– the awkward and sweaty social extravaganza hit full blast this weekend. I will be the first to say that I do not know ANYTHING about anime. I mean, nothing. I think my brother used to watch that “poke-thing” on T.V. with the talking cat but other than that I am completely in the dark about this stuff. That being said, I have the automatic impression that people who enjoy anime (I mean REALLY enjoy it) and I have very little in common. Let’s look at the bare facts, shall we:

Me: likes good music and live action movies.
Anime fan: likes anime.

Uh-oh, we’re already off to a bad start.

Me: wears headbands.
Anime fan: wears some form of animal ears.

I don’t understand this. Are all anime characters part animal? Is that where the word comes from? As a journalist, I don’t feel the need to look these things up. Back to blatant assumptions!

Me: argues with friends over which Flava Flav girl is the skankiest (and thus best suited for the man himself).
Anime fan: argues with friends over which anime chick would give the best head.

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Take a Note from Frankie and RELAX!

Look! They’re doing it– and they don’t
even have a 12 page paper to write!

We are all feeling it right now. It is the end of the semester and teachers are piling it on (okay so technically they piled it on at the beginning of the semester and we just chose to wait till the end to do any of the work…but seriously it is all their fault). We are all stressed and it is starting to show in our daily lives. The circles under our eyes have now become more raccoon-ish than normal. Our daily swearing has gone up from an acceptable 25% to a frightening (and friend-losing) 80%. We forget to eat for days and then clear the fridge of anything edible when we get a spare minute. We find ourselves falling asleep almost anywhere: in the shower, in line for mac and cheese in the dining hall, while writing articles for the 1880000………

Okay, so we need to chill out every once in a while so that we are coherent for at least a few hours a day. Here are some ways that I achieve some semblance of sanity during these rough times:

1. Cook yourself dinner one night that you have about an hour to kill.
This only works if cooking doesn’t stress you out. When I cook, I literally don’t think about anything else while I’m doing it, for fear that I will burn something. The key to this one is to actually sit down and enjoy the meal afterwards and not just inhale it like a python and then get back to writing that 12 page paper due in an hour.

2. Have sex.
No seriously, Do it. It is a honest to God de-stresser (as long as you orgasm, so guys help your girls out). Sex also is considered a great exercise, lowers cholesterol, increases blood flow, and fortifies your bones and muscles through an increase of testosterone and estrogen. Now an important note to make is that babies and STDs make more stress. Use protection people! If you are riding solo right now, no worries. Masturbation also releases tension (mainly sexual, but tension is tension, right?).

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Kayla’s Awesome Cheddar-Beer Fondue

Pro chef & entertainer Kayla Parker displays the ingedients for our viewers at home

Want to seem classy but have trouble with even the simplest concept of sophistication? Well don’t fret (no need to start disfiguring those tiny forks your mother gave you when you went to college even though 97% of the time you eat with your hands). I have an easy, cheap, and deceptively refined recipe to serve at your next party.

CHEDDAR-BEER FONDUE!

This is my own recipe that I modified from a formal one simply because I really can’t justify buying a whole bottle of Worcestershire sauce and cayenne pepper for one pot of beer fondue. Also, there isn’t an exact science to making this dish so don’t worry if you find yourself with the less than perfect fondue. Almost all problems related to this dish are easily remedied. If you are nervous, don’t worry- I”ve gotten nothing but amazing feedback about this dish.

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