Posts written by Josh Samataro
Thursday, February 21 2008
The New England Patriots Have Propelled Me Into a Nosedive of Depression
No one's perfect, Tom! Kill me.
There are certain things that I regard as “holy” in life. The Vagina, for instance. Jesus. The microwave. Breasts. Grain Alcohol—I could go on. But one thing that I could pray to every night was the New England Patriots football franchise, and I blew 18 weeks-worth of my life (and hundreds of thousands of dollars) betting that God wouldn’t bring down the hammer on Belichick, Brady and myself—but it seems Eli Manning serves a dark and a vengeful God. To top it off, I was COMPLETELY and CRUELLY SOBER when it happened—the lone loss that sent me careening into the depths of a personal hell darker than any hell I’ve experienced, and I’ve seen Dark Hells: the day after the Yankees toppled Boston in the 2003 ALCS comes to mind, naturally; as does the night my mom caught me masturbating. But as I and my companion walked aimlessly around Fenway, which just a few short months ago rang loudly with riotous and alcohol-aided joy, we found it now host to tearful and confused zombies and a handful of the worst Giants fans I have ever seen (one that was beating his chest was wearing an oversized leather jacket and had a soul patch). It was Sunday night, and all of the liquor stores were closed. God truly hates me.
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Tuesday, February 19 2008
Oh man, pizza is so good. I need that shit. I could eat a whole pie after wasting my night at the many terrible parties Emerson College students have to offer. In fact, I have, and I’m sure you could too, probably. Depending on how much energy you wasted bar-hopping or running after the cab you left your purse in, your hunger could end up plaguing you for the duration of your evening, even after you extricate yourself from that cool theme party where you had to dress up as your favorite Best Supporting Actor Oscar nominee. If you’re like me (and you are), you know that the only way to satisfy that late-night starvation is via a hot and cheesy slice of pizza; accept no substitutes. Unfortunately for us, the Midnight Snackers of New England, most food joints in Boston close up shop early, making it difficult to locate those fiercely sought-after slices. With this handy guide, however, you’ll be armed with coveted information used to locate the few pizzerias open past midnight. That way, you’ll be able to find some of that glorious pizza pie no matter what neighborhood you’re in, sparing yourself of having to aimlessly wander around the streets until sunrise, like I did before I made this guide.
Click to Read More...About the Author
Josh Samataro is a TV/Video Major at Emerson College. He is also a pile of shit, which is best personified when he eats Twix candy bars for breakfast, which takes place in the afternoon. He is a former columnist and film reviewer for the Lawrence Eagle Tribune, but this lends him no credibility whatsoever. In his spare time, he practices Guitar Hero, sleeps in a bunk bed, and eats crab rangoons. He lives in Cambridge with his wife, Sean.