Weblog
I like the world, generally speaking. It fascinates me in many, many ways–especially the strange ideas we’ve come up with, like self-help books, hallucinogens, and Political Theory. (I’d recommend involving all three at once, at least once.) We come up with some pretty bizarre things as human beings, and beyond that, we do some pretty bizarre things. Thanks to my Reuters Odd News addiction, I’d like to share a few of those gems with you.
1. An anti-smoking extremist in Berlin recently doused his girlfriend and their apartment with the entirety of a fire extinguisher when she ignored his request to not light up. As soon as she lit her cigarette, he opened up and covered everything in sight, resulting in thousands of dollars of damage. He told reporters that he didn’t mind the damage, and that he was pretty sure his girlfriend wouldn’t light up again.
I’m pretty sure she’s not going to be his girlfriend much longer. I mean, as romantic as his concern might be, I wouldn’t appreciate a good soaking in chemical mist. I wanted those chemicals in my lungs, goddamn it.
2. A 39-year-old Japanese man was arrested for trespassing when he was discovered fleeing from the grounds of an all-girls school. The best part? He was dressed in an extra-large girls’ uniform and wearing a long wig, which fell off during his flee.
Maybe his intentions were innocent. I mean, I hear those uniforms are super-cute and he could’ve just wanted a good dose of Japanese bubble-gum pop music and neon animal school supplies.
3. A London book company recently awarded the “Oddest Book Title” prizes to contemporary authors. A small sampling:
“I was Tortured by the Pygmy Queen,” and its sequel, “Go Ahead, Woman, Do Your Worst.”
Apparently the pygmy queen is vicious, but this man is clearly just taunting her.
“How to Write a How to Write Book.”
If you need this book, should you be writing one then? Really?
“Cheese Problems Solved”
Thank God! You don’t know how many crises this book has prevented.
Cheese is dangerous, people.
“If You Want Closure In Your Relationships, Start With Your Legs”
Self-explanatory. And hilarious. And true.
4. A man in Delaware was arrested after spending nearly $2 million dollars when a bank error caused his account balance to exceed $5 million. His previous balance? Just about $800 dollars.
Okay, I get that he should have been a better Samaritan and told the bank, but the error was their fault. Who wouldn’t do the same? Really, just tell them that you thought God was creating miracles for you to support your endeavors in breeding preaching rabbits or something like that and they’ll think you’re so delusional they’ll let you go. Or lock you up in a pretty padded room. Either way, living’s free after that.
5. A couple in Colorado is being sought after swindling the Girl Scouts. They paid for one box of cookies with a counterfeit $100 dollar bill and recieved $93.50 in change. When the perceptive youngsters asked them why the bill looked funny, they replied that it had gone through the wash, and disappeared with the cookies and cash.
I think I’m more offended that these people lied to a Girl Scout and stole cookies than I am that they counterfeited money. They should probably be shot. At least in the foot or other less-necessary body part.
Like I said, I like the world. I like that crazy people exist and that their debauchery and stupidity is freely reported to make me laugh. At least they’re doing to world some good by being this dumb.