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A lot of praise has been given these days, with the help of some congratulatory beer commercials, to the wing-man. He is a guy’s guy. A bro’s bro. He’s always there to buy a round, to build up a dude’s self-confidence, and to keep a fugly girl busy while his best bud macks on her damn-fine friend.
In the midst of all this manly high-fives and rough pats on the back, a very vital part of the dating scene has been overlooked. I am of course talking about the indispensable wing-girl. To bring this ignored art form to light, I will share with you the seven commandments of every good wing girl.
1. Thou shalt let thy girlfriend look hotter.
This might be one of the hardest commandments to follow. No girl wants to be the drab one but if you friend is truly feeling down about themselves, one night out on the town wearing “capris” and a scrunchy isn’t going to kill you. If anything, let her at least appear hotter to the guy she is scoping out, otherwise you missed the point of your job completely: setting your friend up with a grade-A hunk.
2. Thou shalt NOT get jealous.
This IS the hardest one to follow for most women. When you see your friend getting the attention she so richly deserves, its very easy to let the green monster come and bite you on the behind. Don’t let that happen. It is her night. It is her guy. And, frankly, it will only make you seem bitchy and moody. Just remember that next time it will be your turn.
3. Thou shalt be bold for thy shy friend.
If your friend doesn’t have the lady-balls to start the conversation with her chosen future-hubby, start it for her. Be the one to ask a few questions to get the gabbing going or even just throw out facts about your friend. For example, if no one is talking, throw in a “Guy, have you seen the new franchise movie-thing? Me and my delicious friend over here saw it yesterday.” Hopefully this will create a relaxed and congenial mood between the two, which brings me to the next commandment….
4. Know when to butteth out.
This gets tricky. Read the signs and know when the conversation ceases to truly include you and then roll on over to another part of the bar. There is a big difference between nurturing the relationship and being really uber-annoying. If you find your getting the wide-eyed clenched jaw “go-away” gesture from your friend or her man, you might have stayed a wee bit too long.
5. Take careth of thy lady’s gent’s friend.
This might sound a little confusing but its not. If the guy has a friend, and that friend won’t leave the two of them alone, deal with him. This might mean having to feign interest in his job as a corporate dancing monkey, but get him away from your friend and her prospect. It is your job. This does not mean sleep with him or even give him your number. Most of the time, the guy gets the hint that you are just a decoy and will go elsewhere.
6. Thou shalt save thy friend when courting goes astray.
It has happened to the best of us. We see a cute guy and start to talk to him when half-way through the conversation he starts to ask if we have a mirror in our pockets or some such nonsense (we keep them in our purse, duh!). Everyone has been victim of flirting gone wrong. It is your job as a wing girl to keep your friend from suffering through it. There are many ways to get your friend out of harms way, many involving long trips to the ladies room together. Just know that even if you have them talking, doesn’t mean your job is done. Watch her body language (and drink) and if there are any blatant cries for help (or rohypnol) get the poor girl out of there.
7. Thou shalt not taketh thy friend’s man. This seems pretty obvious and at the core of the wing-girl principle but you’d be surprised how many times this has been forgotten. It all comes down to not being a bitch. So ladies, when you find you want to jump your friend’s catch, just think “what would a bitch do” and then do the opposite.
So, get out there girls! Starting “winging-it.” Great girls and good guys alike, will appreciate your efforts in the Boston dating scene.